It Takes 50 Hours to Turn an Acquaintance Into a Friend: Adult Relationships Are Truly an Investment of Time
After work, all I want to do is lie down at home.
Summary
- Research shows it takes 50 hours for adults to turn an acquaintance into a friend, and over 200 hours to become close friends.
- Student life naturally fosters close friendships because of three conditions: proximity, unplanned encounters, and a setting where you can speak freely.
- Workplace interactions mostly revolve around business, so if you want to get closer to colleagues, try moving conversations outside the office.
A text message pops up from a friend asking to grab dinner. Staring at the screen, your first thought is sometimes just wanting to say no. It isn’t that you’ve grown cold; it’s that as an adult, you know more people, but the number of friends you can truly confide in hasn’t grown with it. There is nothing wrong with your personality. Adult friendships simply lack a time investment of 200 hours.
Going from acquaintances to friends takes 50 hours
A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships notes that adults need about 50 hours together to go from acquaintances to casual friends. Becoming close friends who share everything takes over 200 hours. If a dinner out takes two hours, 50 hours equals 25 meetups, while 200 hours requires 100.
Even when you hit it off with someone new, letting them into your life takes a huge time investment. Devoting 200 hours to the same person is rarely easy.
Why wasn’t making friends so hard back then?
Looking back on our student days, we never seemed to intentionally try to make friends. We sat in the same classroom every day, ate lunch together, and pulled all-nighters for midterms. Sociology points to three conditions for close friendships: physical proximity, frequent unscheduled run-ins, and a safe atmosphere for sharing your thoughts. School supplied all three. After a single semester, those 200 hours simply logged themselves.
After entering the workforce, old friends scatter. Scheduling a catch-up dinner is tough, and it often turns into a routine status update. We haven’t grown heartless; the frequency and depth of our time together simply changed.
Turning coworkers into friends starts by stepping away from your desk
Can coworkers who spend over nine hours a day together turn into close friends? Talking about work in the office rarely builds genuine closeness. What really warms up a relationship are those shared moments joking around or talking about small, everyday things.
If you hit it off with someone at work or in a fitness class, try changing the setting next time. Head out together for lunch or grab coffee after class. You don’t need to dive into deep topics right away. Start with casual banter and build up your time together bit by bit. Share a small slice of your off-duty time; those 50 hours start counting down from these tiny moments.
Besides this article, here are a few recent stories worth your attention:
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- How do you keep a long-term relationship from getting boring? For anyone who feels the spark is fading, here are 5 small daily habits to stay in love
- Is Having the Same Song on Your Playlist Not a Coincidence? Study Finds Couples' Music Taste May Be More Aligned Than Personality
